If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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