yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
