what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
