yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
