All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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