Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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