You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
