He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
