no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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