he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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