i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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