I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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