peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
