Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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