if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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