don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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