WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
