barbara walters just said penis...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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