I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you will always have a special place in my vag
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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