All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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