Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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