I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My dick has a subreddit
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
