i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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