I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
