I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
