this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My ass is underappreciated
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
