We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
