He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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