I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
