This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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