Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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