i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
