Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?