At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.