Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
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In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.