I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone