My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.