she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"