Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
