You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
