Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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