i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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