She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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