I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
