Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
