we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
