Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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