so let's talk penis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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