dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
