90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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