false alarm. still invincible.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
