Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
