probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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