Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
