Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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