you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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