I can't breathe out the right side of my face
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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