Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Randomize
