Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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