that's an acceptable place to lick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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