Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
