the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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