this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
